Lack of Beer
It's been almost a month (well, not quite a month, 25 days so far, but it feels like a month) since I last had a beer.... Last night, trying to follow the Thai football commentary (see earlier rant) I couldn't help thinking "I could murder a beer." It would have made listening to the inane nonsense the commentators were coming out with much, much easier. Football (well watching football on TV at home at least...) and beer go together... They're inseperable. Having one without the other is like eating a roast beef dinner without the gravy. The meat, the spuds and the veg are all there but the taste just isn't right .
I started thinking about how my moods have changed so much this last month. Partly, its because my contract with the school I'm teaching in runs out at the end of October. The VISA man is already starting to ask for photographs (a hassle in itself - it took 4 sets of prints before the Ministry of Education finally OKed them...) and signatures, and the whole process has made me start questioning whether I really, really, deep down want to stay out here for another year or not. And, if I don't, where on earth am I going to go ? What am I going to do?
But, I reckon that most of it is beer (or rather, lack of beer) related. I've never really thought about how beer affects me before, as I've never stopped drinking for long enough to notice. Here's what I think so far.
Lack of beer...
* is turning me into an insomniac... Normally, (after a beer or two) I'm in bed by 10.30pm, and easily wake up for school the next morning. The last month I've rarely been in bed before midnight and can't get to sleep. In the morning, it's a struggle to open my eyes enough to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock, and I cherish every second of the extra 9 minute nap.
* is turning me into a real moody bitch. As my blog shows, my mood swings are getting much, much worse. One day I'm smiley and happy and feel quite content being here. Other days I feel really down. Lack of beer definitely makes the downers worse. At times when I've felt down before, a quick beer or 3 normally helps me shake off the bad mood.
* is making me really antisocial. What's the point in going out if you can't have a beer ? I haven't been to Khao San for anything other than to look at books and pirate DVD's for 3 weeks now.
* is turning me into a computer nerd... After a year or so of totally avoiding most things computery, I'm using my laptop, and surfing the net almost everyday. I'm trying to find, organise and upload my old photos, and making (already broken) promises to myself that I will reply to e-mails on the same day that I get them, will not forget to tell my parents that I'm still alive every Sunday, will keep my blog up to date etc...
* is making me do grown up things I'd rather avoid For example... 'thinking about my future' and all that kind of stuff. Now I'm really talking time to think about whether I really want to be here next year or not, and, if not, what on earth I'm going to do next.
* Is making me realise that most of my foreign friends here
erm.... how do I say this tactfully.... they erm... aren't really. They're just drinking buddies, casual acquaintances who move on. They're not friends in the same way that people from home would be friends. They're not normally people you can talk to, or confide in when you have a bad day or things go horribly wrong.
* Is making me feel really lonely. Its easier to meet and talk to people once you've had a beer. Its easier to speak Thai (something I'm not that good at) once I've had a beer. Beer makes me feel more at ease, and less self concious and stupid.
* is making me really ratty. Normally I'm quite a laid back person. I complain about things a lot, but it takes a lot to really, really annoy me. Now I find myself becoming really snappy and being quite short tempered.
* is making me want the impossible. Not drinking is making me wish I had a bf - or someone to share most of the things I do (especially complaining about not drinking beer) with.
Reading this, you're probably thinking that I'm a total alco who can't survive without a beer. I'm not, at all. I'm normally just a social drinker. I like having a couple of beers once or twice a week. I've never, ever tried to stop drinking before (and only did it to win a bet with a mate that I wouldn't be able to get through Buddhist Lent without having a beer.)
It's only now I'm trying not to drink, that I'm realising how much alchohol affects me and how I feel.
Don't worry, I'm not about to go all preachy and AA on you and tell you that you too should give up beer and make your life better. Giving up doesn't do that at all. It just turns you into a miserable, anti-social little shit, and I wouldn't wish that - and the way I feel at the moment - upon anyone.
I'm sure that 'not drinking' is good for me (really!!!! It must be...) but at times (most times in fact), it sure doesn't feel like it...
Only 2 and a bit more months to go. I can't wait for the end of October...
|Create Date : 26 สิงหาคม 2550
|Last Update : 26 สิงหาคม 2550 12:27:00 น.
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