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Why I don't date thai guys...

We have special Mothers day 'activities' at school today.

I meant to bring my camera in and take a couple of photos of my P3 and P4 kids. They all looked great, very cute. The guys were sporting white tuxedos and bright red bowties. The girls wore long, white silky dresses, and their mothers (or whoever looks after them in the mornings) must have spent hours on their hair and make up. They all (even the ugly ones) looked like fairy tale princesses.

I say 'meant to' as I arrived at school late. I managed to remember to wear a blue shirt (Monday is yellow 'we love the king' shirt day at school and Friday is the day we wear blue ones.) I even remembered the camera, but somehow or other forgot the batteries, and the empty memory card.

I signed in, said hello to a couple of my kids then took a motorbike straight back home.

If you're foreign and take a taxi (doesn't matter whether its a motorbike, tuk tuk or a proper 'cab') anywhere, once you've said where you are going, the driver normally asks you the same 20 or so questions. 'Whats your name ? Where are you from ? How long have you lived in Thailand ? Can you speak Thai ? Do you like Thai people ? Do you have Thai friends ?" The list goes on and on.

Just in case anyone's curious as to what sorts of things we foreigners get asked, and how I normally reply, the conversation usually goes something like this...

Whats your name ? (kerrie)
Are you married ? (No)
Do you have a baby ? (No)
Where are you from ? (England)
Do you like football ?(Yes)
D you like Man U ? (No)
Liverpool ? (sometimes)
Chelsea ? (No)
What team do you like ? (Sheff U)
They got relegated - right ? (Yes - but they'll be back in the premiership next year.)
Really ? (Yes)

How old are you ? (33)
How long have you lived in Thailand ? (almost 3 years)
Do you like Thailand ? (Yes)
What do you do ? (Teach English)
How much do you earn ? (I'd rather not say.)

Do you stay in Bangkok ? (Yes)
Where ? (Pinklao)
Have you ever been to Patpong ? (Yes)
Do you like to go to Patpong ? (No)
Have you ever seen a 'sex show' ? (Yes)
I can take you to see sex show! (No, its OK thanks.)
Have you ever been to Pattaya ?(Yes)
Did you like it ? (No)
Do you like the sea ? (Yes)
Do you like mountains ? (Yes)
Have you ever been to the north ? (Yes)
Chiang Mai ?(Yes)
Did you like it ? (yes. I like Chiang Mai a lot.)
Phuket ? (No)
Issan ? (Yes)
Where have you been ? (long list of places follows)
How many jungwats - a jungwat is the equivalent of a county at home... ? (I don't know. I don't count)
Have you been to every jungwat yet ? (No)
Have you ever been to Yala ? (No)
Pattani ? (No)
Naratiwat ? (No)
Songkla ? (No)
Do you want to go ? (Maybe)
Are you scared of bombs ? (Don't know. English people don't think they will be bombed if they go there.)

Have you ever been to Laos ? (Yes)

Do you like Thai food ? (Yes)
Can you eat spicy food ? (Yes)
Can you eat Som Tam ? (Yes)
Can you eat Plah Ra ? (Yes)
Do you eat fried rice ? (Yes)

Do you like Thai people ? (Yes)
Do you like Thai men ? (Some)
Do you have a bf ? (No)
Do you have a gik ? This roughly translates as a male friend you hang out with a lot, either a very close friend who you can confide in eg. no sex or, the total opposite, someone you have a very casual relationship with (No)
I don't believe you !!! (Believe me - I don't.)
You speak Thai very well ! (Thank you. I'd like to speak better.)

5555. Anyone that knows me would say that I don't speak Thai well at all. I know lots of vocab now, but I'm still crap at pronunciation. Normally immediately after the guy says ' you speak thai well' he says something I can't understand at all, and my next line is almost always 'sorry, I can't understand' or 'can you say that again, slowly please'

Anyway, back to the questions...

Do you have a Thai boyfriend ? (No)
I don't believe you ! (Believe me - I don't.)
Do you want a Thai bf ? (No)
Why not ? (I don't know)
Thai men, small, right ? (I don't know. Its not about size ? right ?)
You like foreign man ? (In England, Yes. In Bangkok, No)
Why ? Foreign men take care ? right ? (really ???)

One time, stuck in traffic on the way to Don Meuang airport, a taxi driver asked the usual questions. He got as far as "why don't you want a thai bf" and, when he didn't like my "I don't know" answer just kept asking "why?" over and over again. We were stuck on the expressway. There was no escape. Eventually I gave him a straight answer. He couldn't stop laughing. I'm not sure whether it was at my bad Thai - as this was wellover a year ago, before the new airport opened and, at that time I struggled to string sentences together - or my 30 minute long rant about how crap men (both Thai and English) can be.

A couple of days later, I repeated what I said to a Thai friend. I didn't think it was that bad, just a few things along the lines of they're insincere (ไม่จริงใจ), very good at lying (โกหก เก่งมาก) and like having affairs with other women (ชอบมีเมียน้อย) She was shocked and told me that I really shouldn't speak like that. She said that its OK to talk about things like this in English but, to mention this kind of subject to someone you hardly know, and to speak so frankly in Thai is very rude.

Anway, this morning the traffic wasn't too bad. I could actually hear what the bike driver was saying, and got asked the usual set of questions. The guy got as far as the 'thai bf' and why I don't want one bit. Fortunately we reached Phra Pinklao, and the building where I live before he had time to ask me the reasons why.

But, on the bike on the way back to school, I couldn't help but think about this. I've been single for over a year and a half now.

I've got plently of male friends here - probably twice as many male friends as female ones. 2 years ago, when I first came here, I worked in an office, and was the only girl in the department who had a desk in the Engineer's room. I also used to help a couple of guys who used to live in the same building as me with their English. I like to go for a beer - though I can't drink at the moment :( - or for food with some of the the guys from my old work. Whenever I travel anywhere I normally find it easier to talk to guys (both Thai and foreign) than girls. Almost every time I've taken a long bus or a train ride upcountry here, I've ended up sitting next to a guy.

But, in 2 and a bit years of living here, I've never ever tried 'dating' one... Well not in the 'english' sense of dating a guy, where a guy you like or a guy who likes you asks you to do something like go see a movie or go for food, beer or a trip upcountry together. I once took an overnight bus with a guy who suddenly who went all psycho on me and told me that I was 'with him' when I said hello to someone else. It was almost as if he owned me or something. Not exactly what I would call a date. I once went to Chinatown with a friend from my old work who shook with fear whenever he had to talk to me. Also, one time, I went to ChaCheongSao with a guy who said he wanted to 'practise his English' only to find out that he was stalking his ex-gf and had brought me along for the ride...

Anyway, these stories aside I was trying to think of reasons why I've never been that interested. For a start there aren't that many suitable men around where I live. Most of the guys in my building are undergraduate students at Thammarsat, Silapakorn or Mahidol universities. They still act like giddy teenagers, and although a couple of them are OK looking, I've never been into cradle snatching...

Also I've figured its very diifficult to meet a Thai guy in his late 20's / early 30's who isn't...

1. already attached.
2. married
3. divorced
4. divorced with a secret kid hidden up country somewhere.
5. still married with a wife and a secret kid hidden up country somewhere.
6. Someone who has a girlfriend who gets insanely jealous when you say something as innocuous as 'hello - how are you?' to 'her' guy.
7. Someone who's flirting with you to win a bet with their mates.
8. socially inept.
9. gay.

Most of the guys I know are younger than me. Dating a younger guy is out.

Most of the Thai guys I know earn much less than me. A Thai friend once told me that dating a guy who doesn't as much money as you is also out (as friends will make fun of him for needing to scrounge of you...) It's funny... One of the guys at my school was seeing a rich, older Thai woman who was bored of her farang husband and wanted to play around a bit. Most of the other male teachers thought that what he was doing, basically being looked after by a 'sugar mummy' who paid for everything for him (and took him to hi-class restraunts etc that he would never normally go to on his own) was really cool.

Thai guys tend to be more obsessive about their appearance than western ones. Some Thai guys I know, get their hair cut every other week, wear hand cream, and like putting whitening or moisturising lotion on their faces. Here appearance is everything. Unfortunately, I'm not too fussed about mine. Last year, my hairbrush got stolen in Laos and it took me over 2 weeks to get round to buying another one. My tooth cracked when I went trekking too. I have a big witch like gap between my teeth whenever I smile, yet I still haven't found the time to go to the dentist and get it sorted. Its only a tooth. Its not that important.

I'm not that pretty (I'm chubby faced, big eyebrows and a little bit on the fat side), so never saw the the point in tarting myself up in lippy and mascara. As the English cliche goes, I'd look like mutton dressed as lamb, and very old, wrinkley mutton at that. I've never really been into dressing up, putting on make up, or using beauty products. Dating a guy who wears more make up, and has more tubs of face cream in their bathroom than I do, would just seem wierd


Theres loads more reasons, but I don't have time to write them all down here. There's also the other side of the coin. Why Thai guy's wouldn't want to date me. That list's probably much, much longer than this one...


Coming soon...


Create Date : 10 สิงหาคม 2550
Last Update : 10 สิงหาคม 2550 18:31:34 น. 1 comments
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โดย: SaksriMM วันที่: 30 พฤศจิกายน 2551 เวลา:13:32:30 น.  

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kerrie
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