Note to myself 23-06-2012
I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom. - Edgar Allan Poe
Well, hello there. It has been quite a long time since I need an intervention from myself. How long exactly? Oh, couple of years ago, since the one that rejected you, and said she's gonna be your best bud forever. But then moving on as things have been awesome to her, leaving you in a lost & found bin at deserted hotel in the middle of nowhere... Good time!
They said your writing will be more organic when bad thing happened to you. Well, just like Mr. Poes quote, you write to escape from torture memories. Engrave them in the form of words, and place them on the wall of shame in your unwanted chamber. Seal it shut and unseal it when you need a reminder that this is not the first, second, nor third time you have encountered this. And yet youre still standing.
I hate to tell you this, you still be a sensitive and emotional guy that you always be, but youre just better at hiding it. Maybe numbness is a part of your life now, and nerve systems are all lose sense of feeling pain and agony. Art, youve gotten used to this. This is not earth-shattering thing that happened to you. The lightening has struck here many times that Zeus might be ashamed and even quit his day job.
But theres a one thing that I need to intervene you, Art. You don't go out and pick anybody to fill the vacantness that you think you don't deserve. Yesterday you had a date with nice girl that you've known for a long time, but you really don't have any romantic feeling with her. And yet you tricked yourself into thinking that something might change in a long haul. It won't. Trust me, nothing good will come out of this. Let this be a final notice for what you're about to do.
Well, I must go now; there are lots of thing you can do to make you conquer this phase. I still believe that your time will come. Trust me; your time will eventually come.