1. You glance at the caller ID before answering the telephone, regardless of whether you are on-call or days off.
2. During a job you have run the 12-volt power supply on your logging truck by jumpering it to the battery on your pickup.
3. You have departed the shop 30 minutes before a job is up and arrive on location just in time after a 65 mile drive.
4. You have been told by the blood bank that you cannot donate because your caffeine intake is too high.
5. More than half of the words you use during the day cannot be found in any dictionary.
6. The first items on your pre-job checklist before leaving the shop are coffee, filter and cups.
7. The biggest deer that you have ever killed was with the front bumper of the logging truck.
8. You can go through a can of Copenhagen during a job without once having to spit in the trashcan.
9. You arrive back at the shop after a job dragging a quarter-mile of barbed wire and sixteen fence posts behind your pickup.
10. You wake up at home in a cold sweat in the middle of the night because you can no longer hear the hum of the rig.
11. The term "over-logged" means that you yourself get to drive the logging truck back to the shop.
12. You reach for your beeper when the French fry timer alarm sounds while you are standing in line at McDonalds.
13. The only Christmas bonus you're seen is a $20 gift certificate to WalMart.
14. You find a calculator as an acceptable substitute for the API standard mud press kit.
15. The curvature of your spine conforms perfectly to the front seat of your pickup.
16. The clerks at the Town & Country nearest your ship file a missing person report with the police after not seeing you for a week.
17. Your idea of a holiday is something that the wife and kids do without you.
18. You believe that you might be passing a feedlot until you remember that you have not taken a shower in three days.
19. Your manager's outlook on your career future varies with the price of oil.
20. You have openly questioned with the customer the validity of a competitor's offset log while wondering to yourself if your own tools are actually working.
21. You know every highway and back road in your district, but can't recall the numbers or names of any of them.
22. Booting a computer involves a ten-and-a-half D-width Redwing.
23. You can name every 24-hour convenience store within a 16 county area.
24. You have absolutely no reservation about waking someone with a phone call at 3 a.m...
25. No matter what time of day or night, you can still recognize the rear end of your logging truck from 3 miles away.
26. You can sober up between the time the rig crew gets to collars and the time they break the bit.
27. When leaving location you realize that you can't remember how you got there.
28. Your pickup won't clear a cattle guard because of the amount of spare parts you carry.
29. The word "hot-shot" has no bearing on one' intelligence or ability.
30. You can write five pages of directions on the back of a business card.
31. Pulling a 30-foot trailer that outweighs your pickup by 2000 pounds down a four percent grade in the middle of a blinding rainstorm and narrowly missing a loaded school bus stopped at the bottom of the hill no longer elevates your heart rate.
32. You are the only person you know that does not enjoy the idea of fishing on days off.
33. After driving 650 miles to catch a 10000 foot job, the salesman arrives on location to say, "Oh, by the way this one's a freebie."
34. You have ripped the right rear quarter-panel off of your pickup at least once with a bump gate.
35. You are not embarrassed to walk into Steak & Ale wearing steel-toes and coveralls.
36. You can drive through five towns on the way to a job without remembering a single one of them.
37. You have helped the rig crew trip out before a job so you can guarantee your days off.
38. After informing the dispatcher that you cannot make the next job, you smile and find comfort in the fact that you are stranded in a ditch, out of gas, with no food and 300 miles from your bed.
39. You have a difficult time going to sleep because you realize you just went back on-call after days off.
40. The thought "blind rams" comes to mind when told over the phone that you will not be send relief.
41. After 23 hours of lost time on a 1500 foot well and countless ass-chewing from the company man, you still have the audacity if asking him to complete your customer satisfaction survey.
42. The sound of an idling Power Stroke turbo-diesel can put you to sleep faster than anything known to man.
43. You have ever conned one of your equipment operators into catching a mud sample on an air-drilled well.
44. You swear that someone will be killed the next time a sack-ripper opens the doors of your logging truck to ask how to count borehole tics.
45. You know that you can convince any rig crew to rig-up 50 feet of high-pressure lubricator for nothing more than a hardhat sticker.
46. You can make Thanksgiving dinner out of two Town & Country burritos and a bag of Funyuns
47. After having the ticket signed you realize that you haven't gone to the bathroom in 72 hours.
48. While standing in the fall-line if 12000 feet of drill pipe in close proximity to your radioactive transport containers and close enough to feel your hair being singed by a 10000 cubic feet per minute gas flare, you have the nerve to conduct a safety meeting.
49. Your idea of entertainment is calculating your hourly wage.
50. You can bring a 6-feet 8-inch 300-pound drilling foreman to his knees with two words "We're stuck."
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52. You start to wonder what you should do on your days-off.