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29 March 05 - Gay Species Classification
3/29/05 - A TAXONOMICAL REPORT OF HOMOSEXUAL SPECIES COMMONLY FOUND IN SELECTED GAY NIGHT-LIFE ENVIRONMENTS
This survey took place in various gay clubs and bars in several cities in the U.S. and Canada. The research has indentified 10 different Species of homosexuals indiginious to those habitats.
1. Club Bunny
Club Bunnies are perhaps the most visible of all species in gay night-life environment. This species is commonly found dancing tirelessly in the middle of the dance floor, or if given a chance, on the stage or any elevated object, as Club Bunnies thrive in high attitudes. Club Bunnies will always keep dancing no matter how empty or packed the environment is, how horrible the music is, or whether there are being watched by other creepier, hornier species.
2. Dancing Whore
Dancing Whores are similar to Club Bunnies in many ways. They both display their behaviour via the ritual of dancing. However, Dancing Whores is the species far more likely to practice PDH (Public Display of Horniness). A Dancing Whore often initiates mating behaviours to a member of the same or similar species by grinding his body against the potential mate, simulating intercourses, which often end up in a real intercourse later.
3. Lone Watcher
Lone Watchers are found in nearly all types of gay night-life habitats. This species do not participate in mating rituals. Although they are no less horny than any other species, the Lone Watchers seek sexual gratifications via watching other species dancing. While some Lone Watchers prefer to stay in a dark corner of the room, many will stand right next to the dancing floor leering shamelessly at other dancing specimens. The population of Lone Watchers statiscally correlates with the creepiness of the habitat. In other word, the higher the population of Lone Watchers is in a habitat, the creepier the atmosphere of that place is.
4. Bartender
Bartenders have an important social role in gay environments as they supply judgment-lowering intoxication that is nescessary to mating rituals. There are two subspecies of Bartenders. A Hostile Bartender is more likely to completely ignore requests for intoxications and pretends that some customer species does not exist. A Friendly Bartender tends to induce some courtship behaviours with the customers including complimenting that they look cute today, letting the customers touch his firm six-pact abs, or pretend to laugh with the customers as if they are actually funny.
5. Professional Dancer
Alternately known as Stripers or Go-Go Boys, Professional Dancers are found only in some particular inhabitats, as they are prone to legal threats in the others. Professional Dancers perform sexually suggesting gestures to attract attentions from other species. They are known to be monetarivorious as they are willing to do anything to acquire dollar bills, which are their favorite food.
6. Mr. Popular
Mr. Populars tend to be tall, abercrombieque or hollisterique, highly social, funny or socially accepted as funny, and of course popular. Mr. Populars enjoys walking around communicating with various other specimens especially those with the same or higher level of attractiveness and popularity. Mr. Populars belong to a rigid social hierarchy. They will usually greet or smile to members of the lower castes but rarely willing to socialize with them.
7. Drag
The species of Drags display a very extreme behaviour of exaggerating gestures of a common heterosexual female or male. Many are known to perform this sexual exaggeration as parts of public ceremony on the stage. Others sit quietly and drink alone at bar.
8. Muscle Mary
Muscle Maries have evolved from a common homosexual into gorilla-men. This species have highly developed muscles through out their bodies. This unique anatomy, however, is rarely used for physical tasks as its main purpose is to attract potential mates of the same species. Because of such, Muscle Maries will spend a great deal of their lifetime half or near naked in public. They are also known to be attention-seekers who appreciate admirations from the others.
9. Fag Hag
Fag Hags are not biologically gay, although they often claim to be ones. Taxonomically, Fag Hags belong to a female species of the heterosexuals. Fag Hags thrive in gayly habitats and often live in symbiosis with various gay species. The biological functions of this behaviour is not yet studied, although it is speculated that some Fag Hags intend to lure and mate with unsuspected gay specimens.
10. Sorry-I'm-Not-Gay
In contrast to Fag Hags, the species of Sorry-I'm-Not-Gay claims to belong to the heterosexual family. However, taxonomists highly doubt this. A Sorry-I'm-Not-Gay often imitates behaviours of a heterosexual species such as straight clothing or macho talks. However, every once in a while, they can be seen making out with a male in gayly habitats.
These 10 species of the homosexuals are commonly found in gayly environments. However, there are probably many other less common species not yet discovered, as well as subspecies or heterosexual species that seasonally migrate to gayly habitats.
Further study will be reported.
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