Lost in the Woods....
""When you're lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you've just wandered off the path, that you'll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and its time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don't even know from which direction the sun rises anymore." - Eat Pray Love
This quote describes exactly how I have been feeling these past few days. Wishing I were someone else, living a life of the person whom I think perfect. Being jealous of others who seem to have it all, those things I wish I had. Life seems boring when everything you see makes you realize about everything you lack. The courage to change is hard to find. The mundane existence that slips away day by day. The life that I've been convinced would amount to absolutely nothing in the end. Like in the quote, I have been telling myself that I wasn't lost and that I was just taking a short detour. What a big fat lie. Someday I'll have to wake up and admit that what I truly want is getting farther and father away each day. The path that I once thought was a justified alternative has become the main of my life. I feel like my being is defined by this and there is no way out of it. Things I want to do, things I want to say, but am too afraid of doing or saying. Being scared of losing those I love and not meeting the expectations placed on me. The path is getting darker and I feel trapped. Totally trapped.