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Dating advice for shy guys
By Tim and Michael Burke
As a shy guy, youve probably heard more than an earful of advice on how to bust out of your timid shell and engage women in witty repartee. Sure, these gregarious mentors may mean well, but they often forget that its not easy to change who you are. Think of it in basketball terms. If your team lacks height, you dont repeatedly try to go inside. No, you use your speed, passing and outside shooting to beat the competition. Same goes with dating: Play up your strengths, and youll improve your odds of romantic success. Heres how to do just that.
Be eye-catchingly honest Remember George Costanzas approach in Seinfeld: My name is George. Im unemployed and live with my parents. Hey, it worked for him. So why not try being straight up with women? Tell them youre not much of a player. David Wells, 31, confirms, When I was younger, I made the mistake of thinking I had to act suave, he says. But since then, hes upfront about the fact that hes shy. A lot of women think its charming! he says.
Ask for help Damsels in distress have been doing this for years; theres no reason guys cant take advantage of womens desire to swoop in and save the day, too. Just be sure to pick a topic on which women will feel they can offer some assistance. Youll rarely go wrong seeking style advice (Excuse me, but I need a womans opinion on this jacket. Is it a keeper, or should it never leave my closet again?) or relationships (Hey, my pal and I need a womans perspective on how long a guy should wait before calling after a date. Whats your opinion?). Asking for advice will diffuse the pressure of it being a pickup.
Choose your venue wisely Its much easier to meet and talk to women in places where theres something to talk about. Thats why shy guys may be better off skipping your typical bar or café and attending a place with conversation-worthy surroundings, like an art gallery or charity function. Did you enter the silent auction? What do you think about that painting? Your icebreakers are already built-in. Plus, youre not some random guy. Youre a guy at this event, which will allay her defenses and work in your favor.
Just add a question mark Youre starting to get to know this woman and suddenly you cant think of what to say. Heres an easy solution. Simply repeat the last notable thing she said and place a question mark after it. Oh, you work as a female professional wrestler; whats it like?? Bingo.
Bring your best wingman There are guys who can help you meet women. And there are guys who will do the exact opposite. Go out to the bars or wherever with the former. If hes married, that can be even better. Married guys are not competition, and they prove you have responsible friends.
Let others do your dirty work Cant bring yourself to move your feet in her direction, smile, and say hi? Enlist someone else to do the icebreaking honors for you. Ask a waiter, bartender, or your wingman pal to approach the woman to deliver a drink or a compliment like, My friend thinks youre cute. Care to join us?
Utilize todays technology to air your opinions If talking face-to-face doesnt show you at your best, go ahead and lean on all that technology has to offer. A thoughtful, well-crafted email can convince a woman that you have plenty to say even if you didnt chatter non-stop in person. For bonus points, refer to something she mentioned during your last date by saying, Ive given more thought to the conversation we had about your sister, and something else came to mind that I thought might be useful
Then let those typed words weave their magic.
Take an acting or improv class First encounters are very similar to auditions. She plays her role. You play yours. And the more comfortable and capable you are, the better youll be during this encounter. As Alex Fendrich, an actor at Chicagos Second City, puts it: Improv helps you get used to making an idiot of yourself. Perfect for dating.
Listen What a novel concept this is: Instead of focusing on What am I going to say next? or How am I going to make her laugh? Just pay attention to what shes talking about, and chances are good that youll come up with a relevant response.
Seek out the yin to your yang If youre not much of a talker, someone who yaks up a storm may well love spending time with you. You know the old opposites attract adage. And how Jerry Maguire professed, You complete me. Be her best audience ever, and trust us, shell keep coming back for more.
Tim Burke and Michael Burke are the co-authors of Die Happy: 499 Things Every Guys Gotta Do While He Still Can.
Create Date : 21 ธันวาคม 2550 |
Last Update : 21 ธันวาคม 2550 1:44:35 น. |
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