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สิงหาคม 2548

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14 สิงหาคม 2548

Love, boundary and trust

Love, boundary and trust

Few days ago, someone said these words to me:

“When a man loves a woman, he does not belong to her and she does not belong to him. Because no one can force anyone to do what they want, all we can do is to trust our loved one.”

At the fist time I heard these I talked to myself “Hmm… maybe he is right. These words are very nice.” But there is something made me feel uncomfortable. Something I couldn’t tell at once, so repeat those words again and again to figure out what made me feel this way.

Instead of the words “He does not belong to her and she does not belong to him”, I rather prefer to use “We belong together”. Why? Because if I don’t belong to you, I am free to do anything I want and you cannot stop me. Since you and I are totally separate, I can go dating with other boys. I can hang around at night day after day with those boys and you have to trust me because you cannot do anything about this anyway…

In the real world, I cannot do this because you are sharing some part of my life, not the whole life but more enough to make me realize that you exist. I am not that free anymore because I have to care about your feeling even though you have no chance to know about what I am going to do. Because we belong together, we create a thin line between what we should do and what we shouldn’t do. If you cross this boundary, you may hurt you loved one’s feeling. If you keep doing this over and over again, the result is a broke-up relationship.

Talking about trust, I believe that our trust in our loved one is 100% at the first place. But where has this trust been gone? Look at this example (it’s just an example not my experience!!):

First: I saw you were playing with another girl’s hair. I didn’t like it very much and told you not to do this anymore. And you said “Hey, there is nothing to worry about. I still love you anyway”
I trusted you but my trust had been drained out. There was 80% left in my trust gauge.

Second: I saw you touched another girl’s cheek. This really made me feel uncomfortable, of course, and told you not to do this anymore. And you words just like before “Hey, there is nothing to worry about. I still love you anyway”
Ok, I still trusted you but my trust had been drained out again. There was 40% left in my trust gauge

Third: I saw you on the telephone with another girl with more-than-friend speech. My trust had been drained out again and there was only 10% left in my trust gauge which was not high enough to make me believe in what you said. All I heard was what my mind spoke out “There have to be something”

And then BOOOMMMMMM

Actions are more powerful than words. Most people, including me, tend to believe in what we see more than what we hear. Unlike actions, words are intangible and not long lasting in our brain. While actions are what really happen, they make a deep cut in our brain and make them uneasy to forget. To gain more trust, you have to patch this cut before adding more trust. I don’t know how to make this…. Maybe you have to cure your cut by yourself while the other tries to add some more trust into your trust gauge… to help your trust gauge back to normal level again faster (if you still want to trust him/her.) ...

Whew…. This is a long and serious article which I haven’t written lately. Hope my english is understandable.

Create Date : 14 สิงหาคม 2548

Last Update : 14 สิงหาคม 2548 18:15:15 น.

4 comments

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อ่านไม่ออกช่วยแปลด้วยจิ

โดย: ปลาทูน่าในบ่อปลาพยูน

วันที่: 14 สิงหาคม 2548 เวลา:11:51:44 น.


maybe only I will understand that

โดย: sb IP: 58.10.170.119 วันที่: 14 สิงหาคม 2548 เวลา:17:43:34 น.

Hmm.... deep another thought from aunji girl !

Two points of my comments for you.
Firstly, grammarwise, quite a fews sentenses need corrections. you probably need to look at your Oxford Dictionary for the usage of the word "belong". Other correction, I may e-mail to you later เด้อ!

Secondly regarding the contents of your deep thought, I think both of you and those words are right.

It's like looking at the same thing or same situation at different point of views. As a result, emphasizing on different matters. Those words may emphasize on the boundary of privacy. Your thought may be on the boundary of caring each other feelings.

Metaphorically, it's like an isometric drawing. The top view can be differnt from the front view. Both views can also be differnt from the right-hand view.