Men: Best first-date moves (แบ่งมา)
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Men: Best first-date moves
By Bob Strauss As youve probably discovered by now, men and women have very different concepts of what makes for a successful first date. If youre a guy, just making it to the end of dinner without spilling your drink means youve practically scored; women, however, tend to pay more attention to complicated stuff like courtesy, conversation, and charisma. To get some insight into the female perspective, we convened a roundtable of single, successful, 20-something women and asked them to tell us the truth.
Our panel: Moira, 24, junior account executive Jessie, 24, sales coordinator Kelsey, 29, non-profit fundraiser Helen, 25, medical assistant Rachel, 26, accountant Laura, 27, assistant account executive
Q: OK, that guy you gave your phone number to whether online or at a party has just met you for your first official date. Whats the first thing you notice?
Moira: How mature or immature he is. One guy I met didnt even know how to go out on a datesay, how to ask me out, what to say during the date. He wasnt an initiator, and he seemed very young in that regardhe reminded me of my little brother.
Jessie: A little cockiness helps. If a guy talks too much out of nervousness or if his voice cracks, thats a turnoff. Cmon, its just a date!
Kelsey: Its important for a guy to treat people well. If hes really disrespectful, thats a turnoff. I once dated a guy who was impatient in restaurants and actually snapped his fingers to get service.
Helen: How confident he is. That really comes through.
Q: What do you mean, confident?
Rachel: Confidence means someone whos OK with what he ishis looks, his personality, his background. If youre confident, youre talkative, and girls like a guy who can be a smooth talker. A guy either has to be relaxed and confident, or he has to be good at faking it.
Q: Does that have anything to do with what he does for a living?
Kelsey: No. Dont ever namedrop where you work. Dont just throw stuff out. Wait till she asks. That stuff doesnt matter as much as guys think it does.
Laura: But if you live with your parents
Kelsey: Thats a huge thing here in New York, how much you earn. The expectations are much higher, and thats sad. I was never like this until I moved here.
Laura: But its not just resources, its ambition and potential, too. If a guy is a bartender, maybe its what hes doing now, like Im bartending because Im putting myself through law school.
Moira: Not even a rich guy is impressive if he doesnt have ambition.
Q. Does it matter where he takes you? Or whether he pays for the date?
Kelsey: Paying for the meal is a must. On the first date, never let her pay. If youre not willing to pay for a girl on a date, dont ask her out in the first place. But its nice if the girl offers to pay for, say, parking, even though I think we dont want you to really take us up on the offer!
Moira: Whether or not he pays shows how the relationship will go. I hate it when a guys like, Why dont we split this? College boys are like that.
Q: And the restaurant? Does it make a big difference to you?
Jessie: It depends on what type of date youre havingif youve met in a casual atmosphere, a casual restaurant is fine.
Rachel: I had a guy take me to a five-star restaurant on our third dateI was like, you dont take someone here this soon!
Kelsey: Its also how he behaves in the restaurant. If you dont open a door, you dont know how to be a gentleman. Show concern. Ask her if she wants another drink, and dont chug your own drink. A date is even more awkward when one person is drunk and one isnt.
Rachel: Oh, and if you pick her up in your car, make sure your car is clean. If you dont want to clean it, pick her up in a taxi.
Q. What about his behavior during the date?
Kelsey: If a guys not going to go out of his way to focus on you for the night, thats a deal-breaker. I expect to be the center of attention. Its like going to a job interview, except both people are nervous.
Moira: Touching is always a good signits huge. Just a little touch on the wrist, that kind of thing. Not groping! And little compliments.
Kelsey: Whatever you do, dont ever compare this date to your last date. Thats when you know a guy has baggage. On the other hand, it is important to hear about past relationships, because that tells you what kind of man he is.
Q. OK, so the guy doesnt meet your standards. What next?
Moira: Phase it out. Let it die. After two or three dates, you dont owe him an explanation. After a year, maybe.
Kelsey: You have to make excuses.
Rachel: Ill say, I dont want a boyfriend right now. Which is true. I dont want him as a boyfriend, but keeping it general I hope will be less hurtful than saying, I dont want to date you.
New York-based writer Bob Strauss is the author of Who Knew? Hundreds & Hundreds of Questions & Answers for Curious Minds. Email him your thoughts here. For the male perspective on best first-date moves, read Women: Best first-date dos.
Create Date : 26 มกราคม 2551 |
Last Update : 26 มกราคม 2551 2:04:05 น. |
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