It has been about a month since I last made a video. The last one I made was a music video for Valentine's Day. It was kind of a gift to my friend who was so madly in love at the time. They were so in love and so perfect for one another that I would have never imagined how things would turn out this way.
About 3 weeks after the music video was completed, they called it quit. Actually, it was my friend's decision to end the relationship. According to her, it appeared that the other person had fallen for another guy. This was very shocking considering the fact that this person had sworn that she was a lesbian. Needless to say, my friend was very hurt and quite embarrassed about the whole situation. This was the person whom she had thought would be in it for a long haul. She even risked everything and came out to her family and friends because of this person. I really felt bad for her. The stress has taken a toll on her health after the breakup. Actually, she is now being tested for a possible pituitary tumor. I sincerely hope that it is not that serious.
So, I had a chance to see her last Tuesday and she showed me a song that she had written. The song was about her breakup and the things she wished she could have said to her ex. It's nothing spectacular or Grammy-worthy by any means. Just an amateurish song (one that you could find on YouTube and such). Nonetheless, it came from her heart and that's what made it very special in my opinion. So, one led to another and she ended up asking me to make a video for her. I was happy to oblige.
That dreaded day is approaching. The day of lovers, the day to celebrate love. Most importantly, though, it is the day to increase prices of flowers and chocolates for no good reasons. I can smell it, sense it, see it everywhere. There's no escaping this. Going to a supermarket and there they are, roses and chocolates "on sales". Turning on the TV and the news coverage is all about the top 10 romantic things to do on Valentine's. Even at my usual restaurant, there's a big poster advertising a special candle-lit dinner for two on Valentine's night. What about those who are not in love? What about the ones who don't have lovers? Are we supposed to, at least for this week, hide in our home and blame ourselves for this shortcoming? It appears so. Don't even think about going out this weekend if you are single! At least, that's the vibe I've been getting. I could only imagine the horror that one would face if he or she chooses not to adhere to this warning. It's the night of the living dead out there, folks. I, for one, don't have enough strength to fight the hey-look-at-that-loser-who's-all-by-himself stare. So, I am going to do myself a favor and stay hidden in the darkest corner of my room with lights turned off. That way, I could just peacefully drift away into the abyss of self-pity and sorrow. Cheers to Valentine's Day!
My Valentine's Day music video; //www.vimeo.com/19649257if it wasn't because of a good friend, I wouldn't have done all this work.
The second short film has finally been completed. I will definitely not miss the grueling 2.5 weeks of nonstop 10 hours/day work! I think I need at least a couple of weeks to recuperate from exhaustion. In retrospect, it was indeed an ambitious project to do, considering what little knowledge/equipments I had. Luckily, I had an awesome group of people who shared the enthusiasm and were willing to work to make this as good as it could be. We didn't have a Hollywood budget (in fact we didn't have a budget at all) and all the crew necessary to make a real movie. However, we worked with what we had. In a way, I guess it's good to do everything myself so I could learn different aspects of movie making. I won't lie, though, sometimes I wished I had someone to help with me the editing, sound, etc. Having to deal with all the issues, technical or creative-wise, by myself really put serious stress on my body. Next time, I'll definitely get some help.
"Frailty" is a short film that my good friends and I made together. It was a fun and yet challenging project. I had never done anything of that caliber up until that point. I still don't know how we pulled it off but somehow we did. It is the first short film I ever made and I learned so much doing it, not only the technical aspects of making a film but also how to deal with people and overcome obstacles. Compromising was definitely the key.
Though more than anything, I think the film was the outlet that I needed at that period of my life. It was something that I could focus on and take my mind away from other troubling things in life. It was therapeutic.
It's only 15-minute long and not what one would call a "perfect" film. There's definitely room for improvement. But isn't that what life is all about? Imperfection and the ability to grow. These are the things that make us all humans and most importantly, unique.
One thing that I hope people will take away from the film is that it is never too late to change your circumstances. It takes only the desire to change, the willpower to stand for what is right and what you believe in. The power is in your hands.
""When you're lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you've just wandered off the path, that you'll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and its time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don't even know from which direction the sun rises anymore." - Eat Pray Love
This quote describes exactly how I have been feeling these past few days. Wishing I were someone else, living a life of the person whom I think perfect. Being jealous of others who seem to have it all, those things I wish I had. Life seems boring when everything you see makes you realize about everything you lack. The courage to change is hard to find. The mundane existence that slips away day by day. The life that I've been convinced would amount to absolutely nothing in the end. Like in the quote, I have been telling myself that I wasn't lost and that I was just taking a short detour. What a big fat lie. Someday I'll have to wake up and admit that what I truly want is getting farther and father away each day. The path that I once thought was a justified alternative has become the main of my life. I feel like my being is defined by this and there is no way out of it. Things I want to do, things I want to say, but am too afraid of doing or saying. Being scared of losing those I love and not meeting the expectations placed on me. The path is getting darker and I feel trapped. Totally trapped.
I am just a regular human being with all emotions in the world. I try to treat others respectfully and expect the same in return. I am confident in my abilities and comfortable about who I am. Who I am now is still a work in progress. Who I'll become is what I am most interested in. I have oceans of dreams and skies of desires. Nothing is impossible and anything is possible. I refuse to accept other people's reality as my own. My body always follows the rules while my heart's always breaking them. I truly believe that each one of us has been placed here for a purpose and it's your duty to figure out what it is.