Easy ways to annoy my mum.. part I
1. Speak (seriously, its that easy...)
2. Don't speak (and listen to her call her friends and tell everyone how you are being very anti-social and are spending way too long on your dad's computer.)
3. Say that you are looking forward to seeing your friends.
4. Say that you are looking forward to getting your new Thai visa.
5. Tell her that you don't want any food, because you don't feel hungry. English tea time (around 6pm in our house) is around 1am BKK time. just the thought of eating a greasy, flavourless plate of meat and vegetables is enough to make me want to chuck up...
6. Play this... "if I hear that song again i'll...."
Little sis. thinks I'm not being very patient. Dad says I'm too independent for my own good. I haven't lived at home since I was 19. That''s almost 15 years. It's hard to go back to being an obedient, docile teenager... esp. since I never was one. Ever... Me and my mum always argued... Am trying really hard to listen to her, instead of contradicting her arguements and answering back but its really, really hard...
I think I'm attempting the impossible. I'm so glad I'm going to London later. It will give me a bit of space, and a change to see and catch up with some of my friends. I haven't seen anyone here in Sheff yet. As soon as I mention that I will call someone, my mum picks up the phone, dials one of her relatives and instantly starts talking inane nonsense to them for hours at a time.... She slags my dad off (for no reason), talks about my gramda (who died five years ago) and tells anyone and everyone who calls how selfish I am. Her daughters travelled thousands of miles to come home but she doesn't want to speak to or communicate with her. She just complains about me to everyone and anyone around her. That really hurts. It makes me wonder why on earth I left my job, saved up for 4 months and wasted 30,000 baht on a plane ticket here.
I knew things were going to be pretty bad. That was one reason I was kind of hoping that a friend in BKK would have travelled home with me. Someone new for her to talk to. A face to keep up. Less likely to be so rude and hurtful towards me. But I didn't expect things to be this fraught.
An hour later, she's hung up and it's too late to even think of seeing my friends. Something else has already been arranged. I was tempted to go to the call box down the road, and call them from there. But, that would just upset my mum even more.
Even worse, she drags one of the neighbours over for coffee and expects me to talk to them. I have nothing in common with these people anymore. Sure, I went to school with their kids, but that's where the similarities end. I should be interested in what their kids are up to now. But I'm not. If I really cared, I'd look them up on my space or facebook, or update my info. on friends reunited. Plus, I've heard it all from my mum a million times already. She takes great pleasure in listing off names of former school friends, and talking about marriages, births, promotions, the sort of things people with 'normal' lifes are supposed to be interested in and aspire to. I've never cared for any of it. And, sitting in our kitchen, after 40 hours with no sleep, listening to my mum natter on to my neighbours, and come out with comments like "Oh... our Kerrie's too selfish to ever give me grandkids..." "I don't know why our kerrie can't get a nice job here, move into her house and settle down... " "Can't see our Kerrie ever finding a boyfriend in 'that' place" (I kind of presume that 'that' was Thailand...) just makes me hate the idea of that kind of life even more. It's all so pointless.
It's like some bizarre psychological torture. It' s left me feeling very claustraphobic, like I'm trapped in the house with only an MSN connection for comfort. It's not that bad. I escaped for a couple of hours yesterday. I went to help my grandparents with their shopping and spent a couple of hours in town. It was nice to listen to people who seemed interested in me and how I was, instead of listing off everything my former schoolfriends are up to (funny she never mentions the ones that have been done for shoplifting, banned for drink driving etc.. had screwey divorces and custody fights over their kids... its only the 'good' ones that get talked about...) and making unfavourable comparisons between their lives and mine.
I know, and have know ever since I started college at 16 years old, that I will never live up (or should it be down ????) to her expections of me. I don't want to, and know that that will never change. She will never, ever, ever accept me for what am I and what I want to be.
But its not just that... I guess Mum's used to her space too. She's not used to trainers in the hall, listening to music rather than crappy daytime TV... etc... I guess its not easy, whenever she meets people in the street who ask what I'm up to, telling them that I haven't done any of the things that either she or they regard as being 'good' in life... and that my year backpacking around the world has led, not to coming home, working hard and settling down with my bf, but to breaking up, becoming more independent and even less likely to confirm to their (and her's) lowly expectataions.
|Create Date : 09 พฤศจิกายน 2550
|Last Update : 10 พฤศจิกายน 2550 16:52:29 น.
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