I Know I'm Going Somewhere But I Don't Know Where I'm Going.
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How could this happen to us ???

09.04.07
1130 Local Time

I'm still shocked.

Yepp...still shocked from Friday. After I got a phone call from CJ.

He said he just got a phone call from the doctor, and it's not quite a good news. I even heard he cried on the line. I didn't really know what to do at that time except telling him, "Everything will be OK."

And now we both know it might be not...

CJ has a hight grade large B-cell lymphoma. I don't want to use a word "cancer", for god's sake.

We just had a conversation about eating some more healthy food and working out a little bit more to stay healthy last week. CJ said he has to do it before he gets sick. And now, BOOM !, it's just a little bit too late.

I really don't know what to do. I really don't know what to say. I can't even cry in front of him. I can't even let myself to be upset. I just need to be strong for him. I couldn't sleep since Friday night. It eats me from inside. I just hate this.

How could this happen to us? Everything is just getting better.

CJ is still young, and he looks really healthy. For god's sake, are we just dreamimg?

He's really quiet since Friday. I try to cheer him up though I know it doesn't help that much. Everything is up to him. I just want to make sure that he knows I'm always with him. I'm not going anywhere no matter what happens. He's my Boobibear, and will always be, forever.

He told me on Friday that I need to get a heath insurance soon. I didn't buy a new health insurance since I came back from Thailand. I told him, I'm jobless now and I don't want to spend my money on a health insurance at all. I just think I'm OK. I'm taking really good care of myself so I think I should not have a problem. But he said he's going to add me to his plan and he doesn't fucking care how much it's going to be, he will take care of it. He told me, if something happens to you, I will never forgive myself.

This is who CJ is. He always cares about others. He even forgets to care about himself sometimes. I hate this. I always tell him, "You need to be more selfish. I don't care if you don't care or don't love me that much but you have to love yourself and care about yourself, not others."

I still don't know how to deal with this situation. He needs to see the oncologist at MGH within two weeks. He needs to do a CTscan, MRI etc. to make sure that we know what really happens to him. He might have to get some treatments.

I'm so scared.

I really hope everything is going to be OK for him. It has to be us together and forever. We will get through this thing together, just don't be afraid about everything.

I ask everyone to pray for him and help me to find anything about this type of cancer. If anybody know about foods or folk treatments, please write to me. I do appreciate your help.



I do love you with all my heart, CJ.


Create Date : 25 กันยายน 2550
Last Update : 25 กันยายน 2550 1:00:12 น. 2 comments
Counter : 115 Pageviews.

 
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โดย: chlorella วันที่: 25 กันยายน 2550 เวลา:2:40:14 น.  

 
ขอบคุณสำหรับข้อมูลดีๆ Thank you nice post.

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โดย: aomzon (aomzon ) วันที่: 30 กันยายน 2554 เวลา:19:23:09 น.  

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